So, i personally blame Snow White for my logic here, bc obviously, it's her fault. She's the one who planted in every little girls head how "some day my prince will come.." and all that jazz. And the last part is trivial, but the first part stuck, "some day", which for me has evolved into "one day".
This has become a life motto. Not only in bad ways ("one day" i'll put the laundry away, "one day" ill learn something in math, etc.), but in a way to keep hope alive. There are so many days were i find myself playing a daydreamer, and say, "one day". And I envision this in the silliest way.."one day" happens to be, we'll say, a shooting star, that carries all of your hopes and dreams, that is of course, if you catch it. (can you tell I watched too many princess movies as a kid??..some day my prince..when you wish upon a star..geez!) But in all reality it's a simple concept. In those two words I have suddenly given myself hope.. and not to be cocky about it, bc i know its only going to happen as I trust and walk in God, but still...one day, usually preceded with or followed by "it could happen". And of all the times I've ever been really stuck, needing to give advice or help carry a burden, the hope of "one day" does wonders to ease the mind -"one day" he'll turn around, or "one day" you'll understand it a little better, or "one day" they'll grow up, and "one day" they'll understand. And I could say it because I know it gives people peace of mind, but I don't do it just for that..and I do my best not to say it unless I believe it. because of the power behind those two words...
and I find it ironic how the princess with the "some day" song, was the one followed by the seven dwarfs..dopey, sleepy, sneezy, grumpy, doc, bashful and happy. Because in the event that one has ever had to use the term "one day" there are usually a series of emotions to follow. Dopey - that time when you assume "one day" will surely be tomorrow, and if not tomorrow, then the day right after. Just has to be!..riiight. Sleepy - when the days have gotten long, and you're getting a little tired of waiting for "one day". Sneezy - not only are you tired, now you're sick and tired of waiting..Grumpy - bc I'm sick and tired, (and oh yeah, impatient) I start to get a little huffy about having to wait. Doc - there's usually, for me, a moment in my waiting, where a song, or a sermon, or a good talk stops me in my tracks, and I realize that I need an attitude adjustment to my waiting for "one day" at this point. Bashful - that time where I'm just waiting, a little embarrassed for being impatient, so trying to wait as patiently as possible for this with everything I've got. and Happy - when "one day" has come..but this can come in other ways; sometimes its the kind where your wildest hopes and silly dreams have come true, and others its the day that you've made peace with the fact that the wait is over. And that sounds sad, but at the same time, its just timing...sometimes you just need time to deal.
maybe I'm the only one who thinks this way...maybe, and probably, I'm the only one with a "one day" list in the back of my head - which is getting longer by the minute. I'll share a few..
"One Day":
i'll put away the laundry
i'll understand how to do math
my job will feel like enough..and..
i'll put more money in my savings
i'll sing a little louder
i'll (maybe) get that other tattoo
i'll put more effort into the little things
i'll help people
i'll be brave
i'll feel successful
being 'me' will feel like enough
my prince will come (come on, I had to! it's the song!!)
and the list goes on, and on, and on. but I think thats just about as personal as we'll get today. So for anyone who was looking for a little hope, here's some; so tie a knot on the end of your rope and hang on to it, because one day (insert hopes and dreams here)...it could happen.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
two blogs, one day..lucky you.
So here is my thought..or are my thoughts, what have you.
i keep getting the repeated comment/mix of questions that goes something to the effect of:
My life sucks, and I hate it
My life is static, and i dont think it will ever change
I wish my life would just start already
I wish i knew where my life was supposed to be going
I just wish my life were different
plus many more, but you get the idea. Well, I've given many different view points and comments to these questions and comments, but overall, i think this is my basic opinion.
Sometimes life does suck, but you have life, so at the end of the day, this goes down as a blessing. I completely understand the hating your life thing, but there is something that could be done about it, even if it's just changing your attitude about it..which is a good place to start making changes. but be ye careful of change, dont go crazy here, bc is it the perfect or permissive will of God?..making your own changes could come back to bite ya.
Your life will change, it will be different. No two days are the same- IF that's the way you look at it. if you look at it as just another boring ol day, then it will be. but if you look at it as an opportunity to make a difference of some sort, then there you go, your life will surely change.
the next two go hand in hand.."when will life start, and where will it go". your life has started..your adult life, it'll start when you become an actual adult. the majority of the askers of these questions are college age, myself included. but i've faced it. I'm not at that fully adult life stage yet..im a college student. life is supposed to be ab working hard and playing hard..idk ab you guys, but at the current moment, i've got ab all the responsibility i can handle at the moment - let alone the insurances, and loans, and multiple other bills that come with being a "real" adult. so i'm good. thanks. as far as where life is going, idk. i know where i feel led to go at the moment. but thats just it, i do feel led by God to go this direction. I know its not for me, but to help others. I know im supposed to be doing that. So thats all i can do...is know that tomorrow i am supposed to get up and get my things done, and help someone get their things done too. its pretty simple really. i can plan for tomorrow, but i cant worry about it..not now. not only has God told me not to, but im a big picture kinda girl, and there are too many tomorrows to think ab and still keep my sanity. So tomorrow as a plan, this I know, and i'm good with that.
"I wish my life were different"..I do too. but alas, these changes aren't mine to make. God manifested things in me, His plan, His purpose. and His plan will make my life different. And you know, the plan may have a few curves He threw in just to keep us on our toes, but its still a plan. I mean, come on, I planned to be a preschool teacher, and now i'm a psychology major- in case you hadn't noticed, those two are a pretty far cry from one another. I sought Him, and He met me where I needed to find answers. Call me a dreamer, but I know there's something out there for me..but im plenty content to do just that..dream about it. bc I believe in the promises He's made to me. That things will happen...and I'm best to wait for His timing than to seek them myself, bc usually that only ends up making a bigger mess of things, which He has to clean up, and then get you to focus again. Have you ever tried to get a child to focus?! My word! the Poor Guy.
Anyway..all that to say - chill out. If you have questions about who, where, what, when, how, or why your life this or that, seek Him, you'll find answers if you're sincere. and while you wait for answers, pray for peace and patience. We can't do this whole life thing on our own..it's too hard. He's brought us to it, He'll guide us through it.
i keep getting the repeated comment/mix of questions that goes something to the effect of:
My life sucks, and I hate it
My life is static, and i dont think it will ever change
I wish my life would just start already
I wish i knew where my life was supposed to be going
I just wish my life were different
plus many more, but you get the idea. Well, I've given many different view points and comments to these questions and comments, but overall, i think this is my basic opinion.
Sometimes life does suck, but you have life, so at the end of the day, this goes down as a blessing. I completely understand the hating your life thing, but there is something that could be done about it, even if it's just changing your attitude about it..which is a good place to start making changes. but be ye careful of change, dont go crazy here, bc is it the perfect or permissive will of God?..making your own changes could come back to bite ya.
Your life will change, it will be different. No two days are the same- IF that's the way you look at it. if you look at it as just another boring ol day, then it will be. but if you look at it as an opportunity to make a difference of some sort, then there you go, your life will surely change.
the next two go hand in hand.."when will life start, and where will it go". your life has started..your adult life, it'll start when you become an actual adult. the majority of the askers of these questions are college age, myself included. but i've faced it. I'm not at that fully adult life stage yet..im a college student. life is supposed to be ab working hard and playing hard..idk ab you guys, but at the current moment, i've got ab all the responsibility i can handle at the moment - let alone the insurances, and loans, and multiple other bills that come with being a "real" adult. so i'm good. thanks. as far as where life is going, idk. i know where i feel led to go at the moment. but thats just it, i do feel led by God to go this direction. I know its not for me, but to help others. I know im supposed to be doing that. So thats all i can do...is know that tomorrow i am supposed to get up and get my things done, and help someone get their things done too. its pretty simple really. i can plan for tomorrow, but i cant worry about it..not now. not only has God told me not to, but im a big picture kinda girl, and there are too many tomorrows to think ab and still keep my sanity. So tomorrow as a plan, this I know, and i'm good with that.
"I wish my life were different"..I do too. but alas, these changes aren't mine to make. God manifested things in me, His plan, His purpose. and His plan will make my life different. And you know, the plan may have a few curves He threw in just to keep us on our toes, but its still a plan. I mean, come on, I planned to be a preschool teacher, and now i'm a psychology major- in case you hadn't noticed, those two are a pretty far cry from one another. I sought Him, and He met me where I needed to find answers. Call me a dreamer, but I know there's something out there for me..but im plenty content to do just that..dream about it. bc I believe in the promises He's made to me. That things will happen...and I'm best to wait for His timing than to seek them myself, bc usually that only ends up making a bigger mess of things, which He has to clean up, and then get you to focus again. Have you ever tried to get a child to focus?! My word! the Poor Guy.
Anyway..all that to say - chill out. If you have questions about who, where, what, when, how, or why your life this or that, seek Him, you'll find answers if you're sincere. and while you wait for answers, pray for peace and patience. We can't do this whole life thing on our own..it's too hard. He's brought us to it, He'll guide us through it.
i WAS afraid of the dark!
Dear oldest sister recently posted this blog..
Lately I have been staying up later and later at night, reading or watchingtrash TV movies, often not going to be until midnight or later. Of course this will have to stop when I start my part time gig next Wednesday because this gal likes her beauty sleep. It took me five weeks to work up to my night owlish ways and now I only have 5 days to get myself out of it.
Unfortunately for me, Night #1 didn't go so well. As I laid in bed, wishing desperately for sleep, I started thinking about all the weird rules I had for sleeping when I was a kid:
1. When getting into bed, you must turn off the overhead light, then take a running leap onto the bed. You must not get any closer than three feet before making said leap, lest someone grab your ankles from underneath the bed.
2. The bedside lamp must be kept on at all times. (This was the rule until I was 9 and the lamp fell onto a pillow and burned a hole through it. After that, I was only allowed to have a plug-in night light.)
3. The bed must be pushed against a wall and you must sleep facing out toward the side that is not against the wall. This way no one can sneak up on you in your sleep.
4. Any stuffed animals or dolls sleeping in bed with you must have their head on a pillow and be tucked under the covers. Dolls get cold, too.
5. Under no circumstances do you ever sleep on your back. This leaves your stomach vulnerable to random attacks of malicious jumping. (Can you tell I had younger siblings?)
6. All body parts (except your head) must be covered by the blanket or, at the very least, the sheet. Any body part not covered by the blanket or sheet is subject to dismemberment should someone manage to sneak up on you (see rule #3).
Yeah, I know. I was a sad, strange little kid.
Sadly, as I thought about all my childhood sleeping rules, I realized that I have almost as many as an adult. They're aren't quite as strange, but they're rules none the less.
1. I must have a fan or white noise machine going to block out noise.
2. I must have a pillow between my knees, one in my arms, one under my head and a fourth to put over my head in case the fan is not doing a good enough job. Nate thinks sleeping with a pillow over my head is the weirdest thing he's ever seen. My mom does it too and I've done it for as long as I can remember.
3. I must put chap stick on my lips before I go to sleep, otherwise I'll lie there thinking about how badly I need chap stick. It should be noted that I don't wear chap stick at any other time during the day. Weird, I know.
4. I wear a sleep mask to block out light. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it. Seriously, it really does help you sleep better.
5. I no longer have to keep every body part covered but I still never, ever sleep on my back. Old fears die hard, I suppose.
Did you have weird bedtime rules when you were a kid? Are there things you absolutely must do to get a good night's sleep?
hmm, lemme think. childhood was pretty much the same. well, minus a few things..
#3- i tossed back and forth, bc i also had this fear that something creepy could come out of the wall..i blame whoever let me watch Jurassic Park as a child, bc it was always a t-rex doin the creepin.
#4-didn't do this, not that i remember. ever. i do remember holding a few favorite animals or dolls though, which explains why i do the pillow thing too.
i was a relentless thumb sucker each night til age 10 at least. I also held a blanky, well, spun rather..ya know, swing it over your head til it gets nice and cool, then hold it tight real fast, repeat repeat repeat. fine, laugh now, but i know of at least one other little blonde girl who did it too.
to mix 1 and 6, i never ever ever let any body part off of the bed, largely due to the grabbing fear. (and okay, still wont, never ever ever.)
Noooow,
#1 - i much prefer to fall asleep to whatever is on my ipod. but ONLY if i know each word, bc if i dont, ill stay up thinking ab it.
#2 - a pillow to the knees, in the arms, 2 underhead, and 1 if not 2 behind me..for safety reasons, obviously. and i like one at my feet if possible..i have 9 pillows.
#3 - i have light blocking curtains, which i imagine are like her mask, i get no light unless i turn it on.
#4 - i will sleep on my back upon occasion, but thats a rare occasion. and on my stomach sometimes. but usually on my left side when im comfortable where i am, on my right when im somewhere new.
#5 - i cannot sleep with wet hair..if it happens to be wet, its up in a knot.
#6 - i have to be on the cool side to sleep comfortably. if its hot or stuffy, i lay there forever.
#7 - used to be that i couldnt sleep with the door open ever. but now that puppy sleeps with me, its cracked, but just enough for her to slip through.
#8 - i love to sleep, and i will sleep forever, but i hate to just lay there. i cant do it to wait for sleep, and i cant lay there once ive woken up. if im up, im up.
Lately I have been staying up later and later at night, reading or watching
Unfortunately for me, Night #1 didn't go so well. As I laid in bed, wishing desperately for sleep, I started thinking about all the weird rules I had for sleeping when I was a kid:
1. When getting into bed, you must turn off the overhead light, then take a running leap onto the bed. You must not get any closer than three feet before making said leap, lest someone grab your ankles from underneath the bed.
2. The bedside lamp must be kept on at all times. (This was the rule until I was 9 and the lamp fell onto a pillow and burned a hole through it. After that, I was only allowed to have a plug-in night light.)
3. The bed must be pushed against a wall and you must sleep facing out toward the side that is not against the wall. This way no one can sneak up on you in your sleep.
4. Any stuffed animals or dolls sleeping in bed with you must have their head on a pillow and be tucked under the covers. Dolls get cold, too.
5. Under no circumstances do you ever sleep on your back. This leaves your stomach vulnerable to random attacks of malicious jumping. (Can you tell I had younger siblings?)
6. All body parts (except your head) must be covered by the blanket or, at the very least, the sheet. Any body part not covered by the blanket or sheet is subject to dismemberment should someone manage to sneak up on you (see rule #3).
Yeah, I know. I was a sad, strange little kid.
Sadly, as I thought about all my childhood sleeping rules, I realized that I have almost as many as an adult. They're aren't quite as strange, but they're rules none the less.
1. I must have a fan or white noise machine going to block out noise.
2. I must have a pillow between my knees, one in my arms, one under my head and a fourth to put over my head in case the fan is not doing a good enough job. Nate thinks sleeping with a pillow over my head is the weirdest thing he's ever seen. My mom does it too and I've done it for as long as I can remember.
3. I must put chap stick on my lips before I go to sleep, otherwise I'll lie there thinking about how badly I need chap stick. It should be noted that I don't wear chap stick at any other time during the day. Weird, I know.
4. I wear a sleep mask to block out light. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it. Seriously, it really does help you sleep better.
5. I no longer have to keep every body part covered but I still never, ever sleep on my back. Old fears die hard, I suppose.
Did you have weird bedtime rules when you were a kid? Are there things you absolutely must do to get a good night's sleep?
hmm, lemme think. childhood was pretty much the same. well, minus a few things..
#3- i tossed back and forth, bc i also had this fear that something creepy could come out of the wall..i blame whoever let me watch Jurassic Park as a child, bc it was always a t-rex doin the creepin.
#4-didn't do this, not that i remember. ever. i do remember holding a few favorite animals or dolls though, which explains why i do the pillow thing too.
i was a relentless thumb sucker each night til age 10 at least. I also held a blanky, well, spun rather..ya know, swing it over your head til it gets nice and cool, then hold it tight real fast, repeat repeat repeat. fine, laugh now, but i know of at least one other little blonde girl who did it too.
to mix 1 and 6, i never ever ever let any body part off of the bed, largely due to the grabbing fear. (and okay, still wont, never ever ever.)
Noooow,
#1 - i much prefer to fall asleep to whatever is on my ipod. but ONLY if i know each word, bc if i dont, ill stay up thinking ab it.
#2 - a pillow to the knees, in the arms, 2 underhead, and 1 if not 2 behind me..for safety reasons, obviously. and i like one at my feet if possible..i have 9 pillows.
#3 - i have light blocking curtains, which i imagine are like her mask, i get no light unless i turn it on.
#4 - i will sleep on my back upon occasion, but thats a rare occasion. and on my stomach sometimes. but usually on my left side when im comfortable where i am, on my right when im somewhere new.
#5 - i cannot sleep with wet hair..if it happens to be wet, its up in a knot.
#6 - i have to be on the cool side to sleep comfortably. if its hot or stuffy, i lay there forever.
#7 - used to be that i couldnt sleep with the door open ever. but now that puppy sleeps with me, its cracked, but just enough for her to slip through.
#8 - i love to sleep, and i will sleep forever, but i hate to just lay there. i cant do it to wait for sleep, and i cant lay there once ive woken up. if im up, im up.
Friday, May 8, 2009
in full honesty and disclosure
...I am having a seriously hard time with this whole life thing. I think that separation sucks, but at the same time - that's just life, people grow up and apart and crap happens. and that if you don't want to grow apart, it requires effort on both parts to stick together. and you know what? sometimes it still doesn't work out bc the other person just isn't interested in the effort...but i was always told growing up to consider the source, bc some people just aren't really worth my effort at the end of the day. And if you can take a minute and just really think about whether or not a person is really worth it, it becomes a whole lot easier to just move on..there are other people to surround yourself with, and in the end, if you decided people weren't worth it, then you're only better off. no need to hold grudges, or place blame. and i know it can hurt like the devil, bc i've been here before, but dwelling on things only makes them worse. forgive and forget, or just forget if you cant forgive, and move on. bc i have found through these life "tests", that sometimes people change, and there's nothing to be done about it. once people change, history doesnt matter near as much to them anymore...chances are, they dont care a bit. I'll only make myself miserable if i sit and dwell on what shoulda, coulda, woulda been. So it's my choice. So i won't look back, i'll move ahead..the past is over.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
For Shawn..
So, as I have heard complaints that it has been nearly two months since I've blogged (I'm a busy, busy girl!) I figure on this fabulous day of not a whole lot to do, I will blog.
So, since March 16th I have...
Since March 16th I haven't..
Now I need to..
- turned 20...yikes!
- lost a job.
- took some much needed vaca time in result from said lost job
- started a knew job, which i think i love.
- finished semester #4 of college, which i know i hate.
- done a little soul searching
- been to a few good movies.
- gotten a 24 hr virus for the first time in my life..the WORST 24 hrs of my life.
- gotten a couple of pedicures.
- an overnight trip to Jacksonville.
- given the house a pre-spring cleaning.
- REwrote an 8 pg paper in like 12 hours..
- caught up on all the sleep i've been missing
Since March 16th I haven't..
- bought more purses than clothes..in fact, I don't think I've bought a single purse since March 10th...it's about freakin time.
- seen my big sisters.
- put away my laundry..3 cheers for laundry baskets!! HA
- gotten a haircut.
- gone on the birthday trip i planned with my roommate.
- given or gotten myself a manicure.
Now I need to..
- get that manicure.
- buy that purse.
- give the house a big spring cleaning.
- buy baby sister her grad/bday gifts.
- go grocery shopping..bc i can't afford to keep going out bc i just haven't WANTED to go to Walmart - AT ALL (aren't you proud dad?)
- put away the laundry.
- get a haircut.
- do a bunch of other stuff.
So yes, I am very glad to be out of school and have time to get some things done. I am gonna be cleaning the next couple days, and I think maybe I'm gonna help baby sister with a few graduation announcements, maybe hit up dad's ball game.
and for a little something else.
I have decided that I have hands down the best dog in the world...or at least in my world. She's not only cute and cuddly, but she's smart! Honestly, how many people own a dog who wants to get dressed? and not only wants to, but knows how to make it happen. Java knows where her drawer is, and she knows that if she sits in front of it and barks, her drawer will open and she can drag out what she wants...my dog is a freakin genius. Not only this, but she LIKES a bath! She jumps in the bath tub without being asked, and sits there and waits for it. At night, when I crawl into bed, she jumps up right behind me; she then cuddles for a few minutes, and when she decides she just can't keep those little brown eyes open not one second more, she crawls to the end of the bed and curls up in her little red dog bed. And this last one, kind of a quirky thing, and not all that great..but at night, when all is dark, and Java decides she needs to make a visit to the ladies room, she does just that. She gets up, jumps off the bed, and goes in the ladies room. Well, to be more accurate, right in front of the ladies room. I have two ideas on why she does this - #1) bc the door is shut, just like the front door, which is one of her other problem spots. or #2) bc she likes to follow us in there whenever we go, so we kind of figure "monkey see, monkey do."..or rather 'puppy doo', as the case may be. and as annoying as that is to wake up to, i smirk just a little. But! the hands down best thing about my dog, is the way that her little head pops in the window when my car pulls up, and how she tries with all her might to jump up and reach me when i walk in the door...she loves me. who could ask for more out of a puppy??
and for a little something else.
I have decided that I have hands down the best dog in the world...or at least in my world. She's not only cute and cuddly, but she's smart! Honestly, how many people own a dog who wants to get dressed? and not only wants to, but knows how to make it happen. Java knows where her drawer is, and she knows that if she sits in front of it and barks, her drawer will open and she can drag out what she wants...my dog is a freakin genius. Not only this, but she LIKES a bath! She jumps in the bath tub without being asked, and sits there and waits for it. At night, when I crawl into bed, she jumps up right behind me; she then cuddles for a few minutes, and when she decides she just can't keep those little brown eyes open not one second more, she crawls to the end of the bed and curls up in her little red dog bed. And this last one, kind of a quirky thing, and not all that great..but at night, when all is dark, and Java decides she needs to make a visit to the ladies room, she does just that. She gets up, jumps off the bed, and goes in the ladies room. Well, to be more accurate, right in front of the ladies room. I have two ideas on why she does this - #1) bc the door is shut, just like the front door, which is one of her other problem spots. or #2) bc she likes to follow us in there whenever we go, so we kind of figure "monkey see, monkey do."..or rather 'puppy doo', as the case may be. and as annoying as that is to wake up to, i smirk just a little. But! the hands down best thing about my dog, is the way that her little head pops in the window when my car pulls up, and how she tries with all her might to jump up and reach me when i walk in the door...she loves me. who could ask for more out of a puppy??
Now that my mornings are free, I should be able to blog a bit more..might not have a whole lot to blog about, but i'll throw a little out there every now and then.
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